You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
