i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
