im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
