He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
