I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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