he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
