you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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