Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
