it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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