i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
