I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
