Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
