Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
