The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
