Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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