Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
