he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize