oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
being pregnant is like rehab
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
