Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
