Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
