Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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