On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize