You're completely useless in the revolution.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
