Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
