planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
not ubering you a puppy
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