Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
