oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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