If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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