We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
