Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
