I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
