I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
