so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
organizing the empties. That sober.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
