Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
