first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
