awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and she was petting her beer can
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize