i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
