You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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