Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
