What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize