I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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