I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
