i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
time to smoke my breakfast
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
