so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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