i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
