a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize