All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
