I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
