You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
