Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
