i think my tv is drunk
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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