i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
