She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
