you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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