The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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