Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this just has baby written all over it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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