paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
