i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize