Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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