You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
