What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just high enough for therapy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
