WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
as a side note pls kill me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
