my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
