dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
