so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i think im in europe. pls send help
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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