and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
