my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
