i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
