she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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